Got any spare change?

(WARNING: This blog contains several swear words and crazy thoughts due to stress. Take serious caution.)

BLAH..... sooooooo.... I'll just say it.. basically.. I'm broke as a joke.

A joke that's not at all funny! This past week was seriously hell-sent straight from the devil.

One week ago I was excited as hell that I only had one day to go into work and the rest was going to be spent in California with me and my husband and his family. We were going road trip there, spend a night in Vegas, then see his sister graduate from the Navy, spend time with family whom we hardly ever see, and we were going to take a family photo on the beach since this would be the first time the whole family has been together in 5 yearssss!! Also it would be my first Roberts family photo that I would be in and I was really stoked about it to say the least. So you could say it was a big deal, not to mention the one and only trip me and Josh had planned all year...

So what changed these marvelous plans?? MONEY. After not getting a pay check from Josh's company for a very looooooong and stressful 3 weeks we didn't really have a choice. We ended up canceling our trip all together!! You would think working with multi-millionaires would be a good thing. Oh nooooo. From what I've seen, people with money don't give money very easily.

Money is a very interesting phenomenon... and I don't entirely understand it just yet but I do know that it can FUCK your world up.

No money?
Lots of money?

Either way you're fucked.

(I'm not going to stop saying the f word so if it offends you get the fuck out)

Even if you were to have a ton of money, who's to say you're better off? I know lots of rich people that are still miserable. It's like you're given one good thing in life. For me, I can honestly say my biggest blessing is finding true love. How can someone with millions of dollars find true love? There are way too many gold digging, money hungry bitches scamming away ready to take it all away from them! Jesus.

Sometimes I think I'm better off without it.

Only for a short time until I take a look at my piles of bills and my bank account and realize I need to figure out how the hell I'm going to balance all of this. Like the picture above. To really live debt free what are we willing to sacrifice? And in a world so consumed with shiny new things how are we supposed to keep up?? And still be healthy through it all? Like regular ass groceries aren't good enough I need to start shopping in the organic section. Or exercising. It's all these high standards that make me feel like I'm not good enough! I'm not thin enough! I'm not smart enough!!

*screams*

I dunno about you but I think I need a cigarette right now.

I guess everyone has their own ways of getting through it. Cigarettes. Drinking. Fighting. Stressing. Crying. OK so those are MY ways of getting through it but you get my point.

I try to enjoy little things like laying out in the sun, listening to my favorite music, reading a book, watching my favorite TV shows, surfing the web... all while still secretly wanting to scream at the top of my lungs and burst into tears.

I just want to sit down with whoever is in charge of the damned world and ask, "Where did I go wrong?? What more do you want from me?? I'm trying the best I can. Why isn't it good enough?"

How the hell can I Carpe Diem when I don't have a dime to my damn name!

My spiritual side is telling me to count my blessings. What the hell I'll give it a shot.

I have my husband who gives me peace through all this hell.
I have a few close friends that I know I can count on.
I have a good job that teaches me something new every day.

....

Is it wrong of me to not feel like being optimistic right now? Screw it.

This has been thoroughly entertaining. I'm going to go drink now.