Charlie's Monkey

I actually did this a few months ago but I've been too lazy to post anything on this blog. Hopefully the spring sunshine will inspire me to write more. I was very proud of this drawing because I think it was the first time I really felt inspired to create something on my own as an artist and it had very special meaning to me.

As some of you may know the first miniature dachshund Josh and I got was in 2006 and we named him Charlie. He was the cutest little dog- a black and tan smooth haired doxie with a shy and loving personality. Truth be told, he was a momma's boy. He was mine.

His favorite toy was the monkey you see in the drawing.. he had loved it so much that he chewed all of the arms, legs, and tail off so it was just a monkey torso. Tragically, we buried Charlie with that toy just after 9 months of his short life.

It killed me... like someone had ripped my heart out of my chest. It hurt so much that I started to block out memories of him so I wouldn't feel the pain in my heart. After a while I started to forget what he looked like, only until I would be looking through old photos and come across a shot of his curious, innocent face. Still, it hurt. After burying the pain for so long I lost my memories of Charlie without even realizing it.

We quickly got Sam after Charlie died to help fill the holes in our hearts. Sam gave us something to focus on and love. One day Josh came home with a monkey stuffed animal and was so excited that he had found it. To his shock, the toy didn't even strike me as familiar. After trying to explain that he had found Charlie's favorite monkey toy at the local grocery store, he was amazed that I could not for the life of me remember its existence- almost like I had forgotten about Charlie's existence. I felt horrible. How could a mom forget about their dog? Or to me... my child?

Since then that monkey has been chewed up, stretched out, thrown around, and fought over by Sam and Nelly. One day, I saw it lying on the ground in this exact position and just stared at it for a while. I pulled out my art tools from the back of the closet, got comfortable on the floor, and started to draw, very intently. And as I drew a memory started to come back- I remembered Charlie's monkey. I remember frantically trying to find it the day of his funeral because I knew Charlie could not be buried without it. I remember the eyes and nose chewed off. I remembered how he used to hop up and down through the venetian blinds when I approached the door coming home from work. I remember how I used to make him dance with me. I remember him running through a field very fast and making the funniest noise as he coughed up blades of grass because he was so close to the ground. I remember he was the best cuddler around. I remember hating to say goodbye to him at the airport as I left for Connecticut that July. I didn't know it would be the last time I saw him alive.

Sometimes I think of him and I cry, even to this day. But I know that he is in a better place and I'm thankful I got to be his Mom and mean so much to him only if it was for a short period of time. I think he knows I love him very much and I still think of him and miss him. I just hope there are puppies in heaven!

Dedicated to my one and only Charlie Bones. All my love... Mom

“What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise” -Oscar Wilde

So Josh and I had an interesting situation arise late last Tuesday night. It all began around 1:30 in the morning. We were sound asleep when we were awoken by the sound of our doorbell.

"Who could it be?" I wondered, hoping it was not some terrible emergency.

We both got out of bed, and when Josh opened the door we realized that no one was there. We totally got ding dong ditched! "What a punk," I said, "Let's go back to bed."

Not five minutes later we were jolted by yet another doorbell ring. This was getting quite ridiculous. Josh opened the door again and like we expected, no one was there.

"Let's wait and see if those guys come back a third time," I suggested. And so we waited patiently, Josh by the door and me by the front window, watching and listening from behind the blinds. I was expecting to see some young kids scatter in the bushes, but what happened next I did not expect...

All of a sudden a shirtless Polynesian man, about mid-twenties, came around from the side of our house and started walking towards our door. I recognized this guy... he lived in the house across the street! I had the window cracked, so I yelled out to him to get off of my property. Josh then came out and approached him, telling him that it was nearly 2:00 in the morning and that we were trying to get some sleep, politely asking him if that was OK with him. The guy nodded and went away.

"Creepy!" I said as we walked back to bed. With the adrenaline pumping through my veins I couldn't get myself to fall back asleep. I don't know what it is with men, but my husband seemed to drift back into his dreams with ease. About fifteen minutes passed when I started hearing noises.... in our basement.

Now, Josh and I rent the top unit of a duplex, and we had a new tenant that was slowly moving her things in but had not moved a bed yet so we knew she had not been spending the night, all the more reason why I freaked out when my friendly little dog started growling at our stairs. I quickly woke up Josh and he grabbed his pocketknife which has a rather large blade. He led the way into our hallway as I followed, and we stood still in the silence, waiting for any sort of sound from below. Shortly after we heard some noises coming from our deck which was right beyond our sliding glass doors in the kitchen...

As Josh approached the doors I went into the bathroom and listened through the window in our shower as to hear any commotion. I heard my husband open the door and start to ask this man a series of intimidating questions like...

"WHAT THE *insert curse word here* ARE YOU DOING ON MY PROPERTY??"

followed by,

"DUDE, YOU NEED TO LEAVE BEFORE I CALL THE COPS..."

to,

"YOU ARE DRUNK, MAN! YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW, I'M GIVING YOU A FEW SECONDS..."

After this man started talking back and refused to leave, Josh grabbed him by the shirt and threw him down the stairs of our deck, tossing him onto the concrete and into the shed below. Josh then began to beat the #$&% out of this guy, punching him at least 8 or 9 times in the effort to move him out of our yard. The intruder squirmed away, and in the process of this debacle, Josh ended up cutting the guy's arm, ripped his shoe off, and tore his belt.

I called the cops immediately after and waited with Josh on our deck until they showed up. While we waited Josh told me the window downstairs had been opened and the front door was wide open as well, and the man was in fact was trying to open our door as Josh approached the kitchen. I couldn't believe a neighbor would be so drunk and so stupid to actually break into someone's house. It worried me because I did not know what his intentions were...

You would think after getting hit so many times it would be a clear warning to not return.. but minutes later he actually came back from across the street and started walking slowly up our driveway heading straight towards us. Just as Josh began to yell out, we saw the cop car's headlights coming down our street catching him red handed!

The cops took over from there. They quickly realized this guy was absolutely BOMBED and asked us if we would like to press charges. "HELL YES," was our answer! They found out he had a warrant out for his arrest for trespassing/assault so they got him cuffed and took him off to jail.

As we walked back inside to go back to bed we couldn't believe this awful and terrifying thing had happened to us! Even though I knew he was gone I was still very anxious and had a very hard time sleeping. I kept waking up from nightmares thinking that I heard noises or that someone was in the room. Needless to say I was sleepy the whole next day at work and needed lots of coffee to stay awake. On a positive note I had a killer story to tell to my office!

The reason why I titled this post with that quote is because after this kid broke in, it was almost like he broke the ice between us and our Polynesian neighbors. During the following days we were overwhelmed with how many family members came over to apologize for Phil's actions (that's the drunk guy's name). You could tell they were deeply hurt and took it very personally that one of their own family member's put their neighbor in danger. I realized that the Polynesian culture takes their family values seriously. I was surprised that they refused to bail him out of jail and that they acted so kindly towards us. They have lived in this neighborhood for years and years, so knowing that their name was tied into a bad situation made them furious. It made us feel better talking to his father. He helped us understand about Phil's past and let us know that we had his family's full support.

Phil was bailed out by a friend in less than 24 hours and the next day came by our house to talk to Josh and apologize. He didn't remember anything from the night before, only bits and pieces. He thought he was locked out of his own house, and so he was trying to find a way in, not knowing it was not his home. He was embarassed and ashamed, but after hearing the results of his actions he was in tears. It was heartfelt and so we both accepted his apology with confidence that it would not happen again.

So because of all of this, we have made good friends with a couple of the family members, mainly Phil's older brother and his cousin. We have since invited them over for beers and football and I honestly enjoy their company. The stories of their culture continue to fascinate me. I admire their views on how family always comes first, and how even if they are drinking and smoking on a Saturday night, you can bet they will be out of bed and in church the next morning.

"Don't you ever feel guilty when you go to church and see all of these perfect families lined up next to you?" I asked, wondering how they could live such a different lifestyle than what the LDS church enforces.

"I never compare myself to others," Oni explained, "because it's not between me and them, it's between me and Him."

I was amazed by their faith and their comfort in who and what they are. This experience has opened my eyes and has taught me that while I may have little trust for strangers on the outside, I should be willing to familiarize myself with the people around me. To my surprise, they have quickly become like family and will be there for me to help whenever I might need them.

So that was our little blessing in disguise!
What experiences have you had that were blessings in disguise?
Please share your stories, I would love to hear them!

Little girls bring such delight with hearts so warm and smiles so bright! -- Author Unknown

So last weekend Josh and I had the pleasure of seeing his sister Sara and 3 kids, Taylor (5), Bella (3) and JJ (2). We don't see them very much anymore since they moved to Texas almost 2 years ago. I was very excited to see them, but also nervous because I hoped they would like me, let alone remember me. We started out by going down to his aunt's house in Lehi, the house of the backyard we got married at, and had lunch with everyone. It was fun to see how much they had grown!

Below is JJ, the 2 year old stud muffin. He is just learning how to talk, he's very adventurous and a bit of a dare devil. He will do this big jump and then land flat on his butt on the hard ground, and just laughs. Crazy kids... but isn't he adorable? I'm loving the mo-hawk.

And this is my niece Taylor, the oldest of the bunch. She loves to be the center of attention, she's a little crazy but she is so sweet and I can't believe she is already 5! It's hard to believe that Josh and I started dating when she was just 6 months old.

And this is Isabella, or Bella for short, enjoying her root beer float. She is such a sweetheart, the kind that when she talks it just makes your heart melt. She's got these little freckles on her nose and it's just the cutest thing. She is a spitting image of her mom and wants to be just like her sister Taylor.

And this is the whole Smith family, minus Jason who had to stay in Texas to work. Sara and Josh got mistaken for twins in high school. It's crazy how much they look alike!

His Aunt Susan snapped this pic of us, and I must say it's probably my favorite picture yet! We look happy, and we really are. That's what being around family does to you I guess :)

So Sara thought it would be a great idea for Josh and I to take the 2 girls for the day and have them sleepover for the night. Upon hearing this suggestion, I got wildly nervous about taking care of 2 little girls for an entire 24 hours. What would we do? Will they like it at my house? Will they scream and cry for their mom?? I hadn't babysat in a long time, I haven't even babysat my niece Addyson let alone 2 little girls. I didn't know what to expect, but Josh said they are just kids, and I shouldn't be so nervous about impressing them. And he was right... again.

We planned on taking them to see Monsters vs. Aliens in 3D and then spend the rest of the night hanging out at the house. They had all their clothes packed, and 2 bags full of entertainment to keep them busy- coloring books, polly pockets, snacks and more. I took a deep breath... we could do this!

So we get home and I forgot that my dogs would be providing most of the entertainment. Taylor wanted to hold Nelly like a little baby literally the entire time! I had to explain that Nelly is a dog, not a baby, and that she wanted to run and play with Sam. She would set her down for maybe a couple minutes, and then decided that Nelly wanted to be held again. Josh and I just laughed to ourselves, and surprisingly Nelly didn't put up much of a fight. It was hard to get them going to see the movie because they didn't want to leave the pups! Silly girls...

"See how I'm holding her now? She loves me so much."

It quickly became a photography session with the doggies. Bella got her turn, taking pictures of Taylor and I. She would go, "1...2...3... CHEEESE!"

Then of course Taylor had to get her turn too. We took at least 50 pictures of the same pose. LOL. I just had to laugh, I was really having so much fun with these two.

I taught Bella how to take a picture of yourself with one hand, see above photo. She tried to do the same, but I forgot how little their arms are, so this is how they turned out....

We finally went to see the movie, which they loved. When we got home I made up some Mac & Cheese, practicing my mothering skills, "Two more bites and you can have ice cream for dessert!" We made a bed for them out of our couch cushions and lots of blankets. We colored and played, and lectured when they quarreled. We stayed with them until they got sleepy and silently snuck away to get some rest, knowing that the morning would be a whole nother adventure!

I realized during our time together that they weren't the ones making me nervous, it was my own self, doubting that I would be good enough to be a mother someday. Doubting that Josh and I could handle such a thing. But these girls taught me that taking good care of them doesn't require years of pratice, parenting skills, or knowledge. It came easily because I love them. Love took care of everything. It made me want to play with them, to teach them new things, to cuddle while watching movies, to kiss them goodnight, to wake up to sleepy eyes and invite them to snuggle in bed with us, to go out of our way to get Hannah Montana cereal, to make sure their hair is done and teeth are brushed in the morning, to sing along to Kids Bop in the car, to give them hugs and kisses when we dropped them off.

This experience taught me that while Josh and I aren't quite ready for a baby, it made me feel secure in knowing that someday we will be great parents. Just seeing Josh in our backyard with Bella, blowing dead dandelions, or seeing him hold Taylor in the movie theater when she got scared of the villain, lets me know that he will be an amazing father. I never could quite envision it before, but now it's clear to me that one day it will happen and one day we will be ready for it.

Little girls dance their way into your heart, whirling on the tips of angel wings, scattering gold dust & kisses in our paths.
-- Author Unknown

One Flaw In Women

I got this forwarded email from my mom the other day and thought I would pass along the message to all of you wonderful, amazing, strong women out there :)

One Flaw In Women

By the time the Lord made woman,
He was into his sixth day of working overtime.
An angel appeared and said,
"Why are you spending so much time on this one?"
And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable
and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart
-and she will do everything
with only two hands."

The angel was astounded at the requirements.
"Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's
too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."

"But I won't," the Lord protested.
"I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days."

The angel moved closer and touched the woman.
"But you have made her so soft, Lord."

"She is soft," the Lord agreed,
"but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or
accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel. The Lord replied,
"Not only will she be able to think,
she will be able to reason and negotiate."

The angel then noticed something,
and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.
"Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.
I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."

"That's not a leak,"
the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!"
"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy,
her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,
her loneliness, her grief and her pride." The angel was impressed.
"You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly
amazing."

And she is!

Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry
burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.. They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight
for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take
"no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go
without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend..

They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear
about a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal
a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll
drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring
joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral
support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and
everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Thank you for the broken road...

"We can only appreciate the miracle of a sunrise
if we have waited in the darkness"
-Unknown

So, the other day... (being the deep and emotional person I am) ... I was inspired by my friend Heather's story and struggle to find true love in her life. It's really confusing to date around, how do you know when you're being too upfront? Or you suck at flirting? Or you just don't know how to play the game? It made me flash back to my dating days and all the feelings I felt going through that.

I gave her some advice and told her that it doesn't matter how much baggage you carry around with you because literally everyone must have SOME kind of baggage, whether it be a weird family or some crazy screwed up childhood. But I basically told her that it is inevitable that you will encounter douche bags and jerks along the way, but the real prince is out there waiting and willing to accept you as you are and love you, even with all that baggage.

So, I got to thinking about my journey through love and all the jerks and ex-boyfriends I came across along the way. And I thought it would only be proper manners to thank them for being the douche bags that they were... cuz if they hadn't been so douchey, I might have stuck around longer and who knows how that could have screwed up my road that lead to Josh. I want to do a shout out to all of my ex-boyfriends (names have been replaced with fake ones):

To Max: Thank you for teaching me about lust. I now understand that true love doesn't happen in a 5 month relationship, or when you are only 14 years old. It's called INFATUATION.

To Roy: Thank you for only looking for an object to screw with. You taught me that no matter how much I pressed the fact that I wanted to wait for marriage to have sex, there will always be dirt bags like you that will try and convince you otherwise. I'm so grateful I didn't budge :)

To Zack: Thanks for showing me what a cheapskate really is. Sneaking into a movie on our first date should have been a warning sign...

To John: Thank you for grabbing my boob in public, and in front of my younger sister after we kissed the night before... you really taught me how shallow men can be, and how sometimes a kick in the shin is completely appropriate.

(OK enough with the men bashing... I know I had a part in all of it and learned my lessons the hard way, even though they were pretty douchey...)

And my last shout out is for Josh... my one true love... thank you for treating me with respect from the start and making me your #1 priority. Thank you for always being there for me regardless of the distance and for having patience through those long 12 months. Thank you for showing me what real love feels like, for always kissing me goodnight, and all of your "I love you's". You have taught me that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and that hard work pays off in the end. I love you, all of you, as you are, with all of your baggage... and I'm so grateful that you love me too :)

Rock the Vote!

I voted today!! For the first time ever :) YAY!

I cannot even express how good I felt walking out of my polling location this morning with my "I voted" sticker on. For the first time I felt truly blessed to be a part of this country and to be able to vote and exercise our rights. This year has made me realize the big picture and how important it is to vote. I never used to be into politics, but after listening and following the debates, I realize I can no longer let someone else choose for me. As an American citizen, t is my responsibility to be educated on the issues. And now more than ever is the time to get involved. Because it's not the politicians, it's not the president, it's not the Senate or the House of Representatives that make things happen... WE, as the people of the United States of America, can CHOOSE what happens and we together are the ones that can ultimately change the world.

The Simplest Things Are Often the Truest...

Henry David Thoreau once said, "As you simply your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness."

I got to thinking about how complicated life can get. When me and Josh first got married, we had tons of opportunities in front of us and there was so much to think about: decorating the house, what credit cards to open and how many, what bank to use, what plasma TV to get...etc. To put it plainly... when we had the money we definitely found more reasons to spend it.

As time went on and the credit card balances went up, it was like a huge slap in the face. What to do now? Move to a smaller place, sell our valuables, get a loan... etc. To put it plainly... the shit hit the fan!!

Recently I've been learning how to live with just the simple things- back to the basics! You never think you could live without your precious Blackberry, your designer shoes, or your HBO channels but I'm learning there are ways around these things!

SIMPLICITY IS KEY! We have simplified our life- we downgraded to basic cable (and still get to watch Family Guy, Simpsons, Seinfeld... simple entertainment!), we sold our plasma and now use our old TV (without HD thank you very much!), we don't have fancy cell phones- just the ones that came free with our plan, we don't get to go shopping every month but we do something fun together every once in a while. We still have the same old raggy comforter set we got 2 years ago and it keeps us warm at night. If I do get to go shopping I don't buy pricey items- no one can tell the damn difference anyway! And our dog Sam doesn't have any new toys but still loves his good ol' squeaky. It's like I've been blinded by thinking I'm so poor and comparing my possessions to what everyone else has. Who says anyone's life is any better?

In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, "I admit it's tempting to wish for the perfect boss - the perfect parent - or the perfect outfit. But maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we've been dealt, and accessorize what we've got."

It's amazing how it feels when you can be perfectly happy with what you got. I kept obsessing with what I want and everything I don't have that I forgot about all the amazing and good things that I DO have. We have a roof over our heads, food in our fridge, gas in our car, good jobs, and most of all each other... Isn't that all you really need anyway?

I once told Josh a long time ago when we first started dating that I would love him and be happy with him even if we lived in a cardboard box. I'm not so sure about the box... but you get my point.

I was reading an article on "Ten Ways to Simplify Your Life." Here are a few of them that stood out to me:

Define your values

Determine what your values are and live to those values. We often feel conflicted because how we are living is out of sync with our values. For example, if your number one value is family and your job requires you to work 65 hours a week, is it any wonder that you feel unsettled and unhappy? When you're clear about what is important to you, it will be easier to let go of things that don't fit.

Create priorities

Determine one or two things you want to accomplish within the next year for your career/business, home life, relationships, and self. Work only to those priorities. If your goal is to develop a new income-generating product line, then that is where you should spend significant time focusing your attention.

It's very easy to get distracted from our priorities, because there is so much information out there that attracts our interests. How often do you get diverted to other projects and never finish what you were originally working on? What happens? The year goes by and you did not accomplish any of your objectives. When new ideas do excite us, get an idea notebook and write all of your new ideas down for future projects. One note, if you find yourself working on everything but your stated priorities, it may be time to reexamine what you think you want.

If you are struggling - let it go

If something is a real struggle, or you can't come up with a solution, drop it for a while. Giving yourself a mental break will allow your brain to rest and therefore create new ideas. Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and had an aha? This happens for two reasons, 1) because you are relaxed, and 2) because you were not trying to direct your brain's thoughts. Giving yourself a mental break from a challenge is a great way to consciously create that aha.

Have fun

Why is it so hard for us to have fun? Make time each week to do something that brings you joy. Do something completely silly. Have fun with yourself. Laugh. Forget all the other stuff for a while and just have fun. You will feel a whole lot better.

HOW TRUE! Hopefully you can take a bit of this and apply it to your life. I highly recommend it :)

Amen, Ralph! Amen!

I was reading a quote on my Chai Tea package the other day and couldn't have agreed more:

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's funny how life gives you hints every once in a while. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Forget what has already happened- begin each day new with endless possibilities.

Here's to another great week!