Charlie's Monkey

I actually did this a few months ago but I've been too lazy to post anything on this blog. Hopefully the spring sunshine will inspire me to write more. I was very proud of this drawing because I think it was the first time I really felt inspired to create something on my own as an artist and it had very special meaning to me.

As some of you may know the first miniature dachshund Josh and I got was in 2006 and we named him Charlie. He was the cutest little dog- a black and tan smooth haired doxie with a shy and loving personality. Truth be told, he was a momma's boy. He was mine.

His favorite toy was the monkey you see in the drawing.. he had loved it so much that he chewed all of the arms, legs, and tail off so it was just a monkey torso. Tragically, we buried Charlie with that toy just after 9 months of his short life.

It killed me... like someone had ripped my heart out of my chest. It hurt so much that I started to block out memories of him so I wouldn't feel the pain in my heart. After a while I started to forget what he looked like, only until I would be looking through old photos and come across a shot of his curious, innocent face. Still, it hurt. After burying the pain for so long I lost my memories of Charlie without even realizing it.

We quickly got Sam after Charlie died to help fill the holes in our hearts. Sam gave us something to focus on and love. One day Josh came home with a monkey stuffed animal and was so excited that he had found it. To his shock, the toy didn't even strike me as familiar. After trying to explain that he had found Charlie's favorite monkey toy at the local grocery store, he was amazed that I could not for the life of me remember its existence- almost like I had forgotten about Charlie's existence. I felt horrible. How could a mom forget about their dog? Or to me... my child?

Since then that monkey has been chewed up, stretched out, thrown around, and fought over by Sam and Nelly. One day, I saw it lying on the ground in this exact position and just stared at it for a while. I pulled out my art tools from the back of the closet, got comfortable on the floor, and started to draw, very intently. And as I drew a memory started to come back- I remembered Charlie's monkey. I remember frantically trying to find it the day of his funeral because I knew Charlie could not be buried without it. I remember the eyes and nose chewed off. I remembered how he used to hop up and down through the venetian blinds when I approached the door coming home from work. I remember how I used to make him dance with me. I remember him running through a field very fast and making the funniest noise as he coughed up blades of grass because he was so close to the ground. I remember he was the best cuddler around. I remember hating to say goodbye to him at the airport as I left for Connecticut that July. I didn't know it would be the last time I saw him alive.

Sometimes I think of him and I cry, even to this day. But I know that he is in a better place and I'm thankful I got to be his Mom and mean so much to him only if it was for a short period of time. I think he knows I love him very much and I still think of him and miss him. I just hope there are puppies in heaven!

Dedicated to my one and only Charlie Bones. All my love... Mom