Got any spare change?

(WARNING: This blog contains several swear words and crazy thoughts due to stress. Take serious caution.)

BLAH..... sooooooo.... I'll just say it.. basically.. I'm broke as a joke.

A joke that's not at all funny! This past week was seriously hell-sent straight from the devil.

One week ago I was excited as hell that I only had one day to go into work and the rest was going to be spent in California with me and my husband and his family. We were going road trip there, spend a night in Vegas, then see his sister graduate from the Navy, spend time with family whom we hardly ever see, and we were going to take a family photo on the beach since this would be the first time the whole family has been together in 5 yearssss!! Also it would be my first Roberts family photo that I would be in and I was really stoked about it to say the least. So you could say it was a big deal, not to mention the one and only trip me and Josh had planned all year...

So what changed these marvelous plans?? MONEY. After not getting a pay check from Josh's company for a very looooooong and stressful 3 weeks we didn't really have a choice. We ended up canceling our trip all together!! You would think working with multi-millionaires would be a good thing. Oh nooooo. From what I've seen, people with money don't give money very easily.

Money is a very interesting phenomenon... and I don't entirely understand it just yet but I do know that it can FUCK your world up.

No money?
Lots of money?

Either way you're fucked.

(I'm not going to stop saying the f word so if it offends you get the fuck out)

Even if you were to have a ton of money, who's to say you're better off? I know lots of rich people that are still miserable. It's like you're given one good thing in life. For me, I can honestly say my biggest blessing is finding true love. How can someone with millions of dollars find true love? There are way too many gold digging, money hungry bitches scamming away ready to take it all away from them! Jesus.

Sometimes I think I'm better off without it.

Only for a short time until I take a look at my piles of bills and my bank account and realize I need to figure out how the hell I'm going to balance all of this. Like the picture above. To really live debt free what are we willing to sacrifice? And in a world so consumed with shiny new things how are we supposed to keep up?? And still be healthy through it all? Like regular ass groceries aren't good enough I need to start shopping in the organic section. Or exercising. It's all these high standards that make me feel like I'm not good enough! I'm not thin enough! I'm not smart enough!!

*screams*

I dunno about you but I think I need a cigarette right now.

I guess everyone has their own ways of getting through it. Cigarettes. Drinking. Fighting. Stressing. Crying. OK so those are MY ways of getting through it but you get my point.

I try to enjoy little things like laying out in the sun, listening to my favorite music, reading a book, watching my favorite TV shows, surfing the web... all while still secretly wanting to scream at the top of my lungs and burst into tears.

I just want to sit down with whoever is in charge of the damned world and ask, "Where did I go wrong?? What more do you want from me?? I'm trying the best I can. Why isn't it good enough?"

How the hell can I Carpe Diem when I don't have a dime to my damn name!

My spiritual side is telling me to count my blessings. What the hell I'll give it a shot.

I have my husband who gives me peace through all this hell.
I have a few close friends that I know I can count on.
I have a good job that teaches me something new every day.

....

Is it wrong of me to not feel like being optimistic right now? Screw it.

This has been thoroughly entertaining. I'm going to go drink now.

50 Reasons Why I Love Josh...

So I saw this idea on Nicki's blog and totally loved it. Me and Josh just celebrated our 2 year anniversary on August 19th so I thought this idea would be perfect!
Here are my top 50 reasons why I love Josh:

1. His favorite look of mine is when I first wake up in the morning.
2. His lips are so soft and kissable.
3. He loves to cook for me and it's always delicious. He is always coming up with new recipes and even when it seems we have absolutely nothing to make for dinner... he comes up with yummy food all the time.
4. He is the ultimate handyman and can probably build me a house if he wanted to.
5. He is very intelligent. I can ask him any question and he most likely will know a detailed answer with dates, names, quotes... the whole sha-bang.
6. I love the wrinkles around his eyes when he laughs.
7. He enjoys and appreciates his life in "little moments." For example the other night we were having KFC chicken. We sat down on the couch and his favorite team, the 49ers were playing a preseason game. He said, "This moment is almost perfect. I got my girl, fried chicken, and football... I just need a beer." After getting up and giving him one he said, "That's all I needed, little moments like this are enough for me." He didn't even need to watch the rest of the game he was so happy!
8. He is an amazing lover and always makes sure I'm sat-is-fied!
9. He always has an optimistic attitude. The crappiest thing can happen to him and he still keeps his head up and looks for a solution rather than focus on the problem.
10. He inspires me to be a better person.
11. He is very sociable and makes my friends and family laugh.
12. He never gives up.
13. He has lots of confidence.
14. He is a couch potato just like me :)
15. He lets me watch Sex & the City without complaining. Most of the time.
16. Same with America's Next Top Model hehe
17. I sometimes catch a country boy accent when he talks.
18. He served a mission... and met me :)
19. He supports me with every decision I make.
20. He loves to watch the History Channel and even though it's a bit nerdy, I still love that he is interested in it.
21. He always calls me Baby and rarely by my name.
22. He is low maintenance and lives simply. He only needs the necessities and it will make him happy.
23. He is always up for an adventure or something he has never done before.
24. He buys me furniture for Christmas! (I've gotten our bedroom set and a new set of couches!)
25. He always wears a hat, it's his signature.
26. He has always had serious relationships and never slept around.
27. He is a gentleman and treats women with respect.
28. He introduced me to Family Guy, The Simpsons, Futurama, South Park, and many other adult cartoons all which I have come to love and appreciate!
29. He has learned to love my family.
30. He is very good with children.
31. He still is close with his best friends from high school.
32. He tells me I'm beautiful every day.
33. I trust that I can ask him to do something and it will be done.
34. He lightens my load by helping with cleaning up around the house.
35. He doesn't mind that I wear his t-shirts every night when I go to bed.
36. He re-assures me that everything will work out even if it seems to be impossible. And to my surprise... it always has.
37. He is a hard worker. When times were tough and he didn't have many job options he went to work an $8/hour job on a golf course with a bunch of Mexicans and never complained, just so we could pay the bills. And he actually enjoyed it!
38. He is a people person. He knows how to communicate. When he talks, people listen.
39. He absolutely loves me body. When I get dressed in the morning I always catch him peaking even if he was in the middle of sleeping.
40. Sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself
41. His laugh.
42. He is my teddy bear and perfect for cuddling.
43. He is an expert at Guitar Hero.
44. The fact that he changed my life and teaches me something new all the time.
45. He says I'm better looking than Jessica Alba... even though I know he's fibbing.
46. He still holds my hand in movie theaters.
47. He makes me feel safe when I'm with him.
48. His deep green eyes.
49. He writes poems.
50. I can dance weird, say whatever is on my mind, sing (or shout) a song without knowing the words, and be myself... and I know he will still love me, no matter what.

Baby, you are the best husband I could ever ask for. You have made me so happy over these 2 years and my life is so blessed because of you. Thank you for sticking with me through the good times and bad. You are truly my favorite person in the world, my best friend, my true love.

Sisterly Summer

"I do not believe that the accident of birth makes people sisters... It makes them siblings... Sisterhood is a condition people have to work at. It is a serious matter. You comprimise, you give, you take, you stand firm, and you're relentless...and it is an investment. Sisterhood means if you happen to be in Burma and I happen to be in San Diego... if you call me in the middle of the night, I have to come."
-Maya Angelou

OK so one of my favorite people in the world came to live with me this summer... my younger sister Alecia. She just graduated from high school in Connecticut and was going through the last summer with my parents before leaving for college in late August. In other words, the word on Alecia's brain was "PARTY" and the word on my parents brains was "CONTROL."

She had called me multiple times before coming out and was having a rough time trying to balance friends, work, and living with my parents all while trying to save enough money for college, AKA the transition phase. She pretty much just needed a break from it all so I suggested she come and live with me and Josh for the summer, get a job, and work out here. She didn't think it was a bad idea and after convincing my parents, she soon arrived on July 2nd with my mom who was planning on staying for 3 weeks.

Keep in mind, I hadn't seen my sister in about a year so it was exciting to see her!! We instantly bonded and spent a lot of time doing all sorts of fun things. We went to Park City for a day, went to visit my sister and niece in Ogden a few times, went to a couple movies and dinners, but mostly we just hung out and enjoyed each others company.

Two weeks in we finally found her a job at Einstein Bagels. The girl desperately needed some cash for college. I think she started understanding money and how a budget works and mostly about sacrifices.

We had such a blast! Josh started making friends with some of the younger kids in the neighborhood who were Alecia's age. They came over to party a lot and I think it was nice for her to be around guys her own age.

We also took a ton of pictures!!

Alecia fell in love with Sam this summer. They are best friends now :)

Visiting Amber in Ogden for Andrew's birthday. And we got to see Addy! I just love that girl. Her personality is shining brighter every day.

Smoking ciggys on the car rides.

PARTY TIME WITH MALIBU!!

Flash Face Kisses

Trying to be sexy.

Drunky

Fat Face

We colored a lot, I was so proud of this one!

We decided to go stargazing in my Honda through the sun roof. It was a blasttt!

Just yesterday I dropped her off at the airport. It was SO sad!! She cried and I didn't. Later at work I had a delayed reaction and couldn't stop sobbing. I'm going to miss her. A lot.

I will miss having someone there that knows me in and out, knows my flaws and still loves me anyway, can deal with my bitchy moments and forgive me simply because we're family. Someone that knows my past and appreciates who I've become. Someone who just GETS me. I'll miss laughing so hard with her that I cry and almost pee my pants. I'll miss attempting the "Dutty Wine", watching funny videos on Youtube, watching Sex & the City & old Are you afraid of the Dark episodes, dancing around my apartment like a bunch of retards, and singing every word to our favorite summer songs:

I'll never forget this summer. Love you Leash!!

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